her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
