Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Bring me that man meat
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
