I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
