I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
it's like heaven, but drunker
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
