is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
