I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm too high and old for this...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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