I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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