oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
