i already hear my dad disowning me
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
