Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
