in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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