and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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