smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
