You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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