So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
