so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
