I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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