Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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