He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
