i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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