My first STD was from a foam party
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
