Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
