I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
