the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
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She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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