she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
