its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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