Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
