I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
