you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
