I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
