I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
