I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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