The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
