Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
