Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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