He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
