When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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