Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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