Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
