We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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