Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
