i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
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Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
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Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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