I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
