Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We need a shit load of segways right now
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i now understand why vodka
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
