There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
