you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
