So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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