soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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