we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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