drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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