No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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