he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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