Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
