I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
