The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
