Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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