How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
