Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
