hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
