i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
