just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
