Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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