I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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