so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize