woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Can I color on your dick again?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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