If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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