weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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