who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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