pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
