How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
