If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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