Plan B is the new Plan A
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
