i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
